We need a thread for funny stuff.

[littleoldme]

This cracked me up


The Darwin Awards


Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.


Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.



Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom! When
it t collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach
used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.


Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends
who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger.


Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up! and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers
also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the
scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot
wounds. Ballistics identified rou nds from 7 different weapons. No one
else was hurt.


HONOURABLE MENTION


Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at
2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window
to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window
was closed.


RUNNER UP


Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in
the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival
at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a
bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by.
They secured
one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other ! ;to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle.. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water
and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never
located.


AND THE WINNER IS...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit
happens'


IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES
FROM THE GENE POOL

[littleoldme]

Thanks for posting Bo.

[Mouse]

Jesus is returning, I hope he brings some chips and dip this time

Mysterious Cosmic Blast Keeps On Going

It's just the Big Guy firing up a doob that has a cherry a trillion times the brightness of Sol. Also, the brightness of GRB110328A (the catalog no. of this event) has fluctuated over the last 11 days which indicates the ol' boy taking a hit. Get high big square.

(Comments from an article about a star falling into a black hole 3.2 billion light years away.  Most of the other comments were an argument about irony and sarcasm.)

[BO]

Thank god for sarcasm. Without it we'd all lose our minds. I'd say sarcasm is irony explained with a sense of humor. And definitely more related to social events than physical ones.

Funny that the Alanis Morisette's song, Ironic, doesn't have any true examples of irony in it.

Now, isn't THAT ironic?

[BO]



Humor is our best defense in the war for our sanity. In an age where 'the news' has become entertainment, it only seems logical that a comedy show would have the best take on the news. And as always, there's no limit to the amount of hypocrisy that exists within this culture, to report on. The news stories may change, but the story of our own demise is ignored by most. Thank dog for the comedy channel.

 

[BO]

Funny or not -- you decide. (OK, so maybe I shoulda put this under 'Resistance')

It appears the Yes Men have created another campaign to 'punk' the capitalist machinery--this time the coal industry gets their wrath. Here's a link to the web site they created entitled 'Coal Cares', a spoof site that, at first glance, almost seems like something a morally bankrupt company might have actually produced. Hooray for the Yes Men.

 

From a Yes Men news release...

 

"Coal Cares™ (www.coalcares.org) purported to “make asthma cool” with decorative and pop-culture inspired inhalers (“The Bieber,” “Harry Potter,” “My Little Pony,” and “My First Inhaler” were particular favorites). The site also announced that Peabody would offer $10 coupons towards asthma medication (about 5%-20% of the cost) for families living within 200 miles of a coal-fired plant. It featured a “Kidz Koal Korner” with asthma-related games for tots, an extensive asthma trivia section and FAQ (Peter the Great was asthmatic, who knew!), and a thorough condemnation of solar and wind alternatives."

[pan]

Thank god for the Yes Men.

 

On a related note, just "signed" an internet petition to end Oil subsidies.  A rather impotent gesture I am sure but....it took a lot less effort than actually doing something and allowed me to feel good about myself...

 

And look, they sent me a pre-written email I can send on to my friends:

 

Speaker of the House John Boehner said he won't vote to raise the debt ceiling without cutting the deficit. Democrats agree, and want to start cutting the deficit by ending giveaways to oil companies.

I just signed a petition to Boehner to end subsidies to Big Oil and use that money to cut the deficit.

Sign below:

http://www.couragecampaign.org/OilSubsidies

[waldopaper]

100 Greatest Quotes from Christian Fundamentalist Chat Rooms

kinda depends on what you think is "funny."  THIS sure as hell is not. A bunch of foofs pulled it out of their ass in 1978. 

there are some interesting links here... and some of them funny.  my perspective as an old coot running out of time is to find all this book-smacking shit HI-larious.  kinda weird is the straws you clutch at when you think time is up... and i think it's a natural response by the brain- like diving reflex. 

kinda interesting that most porks leave the yes-men alone because awareness of the satire would out the porkies even more.  sort of what Bart Ehrman is talkin about. 

 

 

 

[hannah j]

hey, waldo!  what ever happened to the group on garden related people i think we had here?  i can't find it.  wanted to post another permaculture thing!  how the heck are you?  our garden is thriving.

[waldopaper]

It was a "group" started by Curt called "grow your own," and the "group" feature just sorta went away when Ning went for-profit i guess... dunno.  (wherethehell IS Curt?)  gotta send the boy an email or summon.

[BO]

I just checked the management section and the ability to add 'sub-groups' is locked. It would require upgrading to Ning Plus to unlock Curt's group--if it's still there. Problem is, it's 20 bucks a month as opposed to the 20/year we now pay. If someone wants to step up and fund the upgrade, we can re-intialize that feature--and more.

The BO family is proud to say that, both mom and dad have been laid-off from their jobs. We don't donate to nuttin' anymore.

[waldopaper]

true dat... 20/ year is fine.  now that i is on social scrutiny and downsized from 2 skoolz we gotta do best we kin wit wot we got. 

sheeit BO- that sux.  wasn't momma long-term management?  we all best study our slipcraft! 

 

[hannah j]

well, we can use my blog for it!  okay?  will that work? oh, and by the way i posted a back yard picture of the 15k house.  i mean from our backyard.  patrick says we would buy it if we had the 15k~  3 bd, at least 1 bath, family room in walkout basement, large living room.  next to tennis court and park.